Told by Arthur to Peter, in the Turks Head, around 2017

All names changed to protect the innocent

There was a lottery funded oral history project for Parr Band's 75-year anniversary in 2011
Several band members, including Dad, were asked to volunteer a story about the past, whilst being taped
Dad shared two but neither got on to the CD
This was one, and you can make your own mind up why it never got on the CD

In the early ‘60s Parr did a series of fund-raising concerts, in parks in the St Helens & Liverpool area, on Saturdays and Sundays in the school summer holidays, often in Victorian Bandstands.
All band members had their own set of music, and you could make your own mind up how to store it as long as you had ready access to it
So, they are playing this Saturday afternoon summer concert in a band stand, crowd out front, chairs setup, ice cream van, kids playing.
A normal scene. The conductor finishes one piece, then says “next piece Hands Across the Sea”, and turns back to the crowd and says a few words.
Everyone looks down, finds the piece, puts it on their music stand and looks up at the conductor, to signal, “Ready”
Everyone except “Harry”, the drummer at the back, who still has his head down, looking through his music.
The conductor turns round to check everyone is ready, notices Harry still head down, so turns back and carries on talking to the crowd.
All the band knows that Harry doesn’t have a music file, doesn’t keep things alphabetically, and often struggles to find his music.

So, there are some helpful comments, all whispered, so the audience can’t hear, but all the band can:
“It's hands across the sea, Harry”
“Under H for Hands”
“Have you not found it yet, Harry?”
“Conductors waiting you know”
“He’s said that joke three times now…. “
“You don’t need the music Harry, you never use it anyway, just keep time”
All the time, Harry is head down, looking through his bag, trying to find “Hands”, and getting more agitated

The conductor turns round for the third time, sees all the band ready, apart from Harry, and Harry is still looking,
and says sotto voice, “It’s Hands Across the Sea, Harry, have you found it?”

Harry, a little louder than was needed, as he’s agitated and he’s right at the back, and the conductor is at the front

 “Hands across the sea!
Hands across my bloody arsehole,
I can’t find the bugger!!”

At which point the whole band collapses, trying to keep silent and not laugh out loud.

The conductor turns back to the crowd again, as now, absolutely no one, in the band is ready, and he has to fill in again.

PS Dad had many,  many friends in the brass band world. I don’t actually know who was there for this story,
but around this time, he was often seeing with Bob Kerwick, Len Rooney, Lenny Lowe, Bill Henderson and his mate Joe Thompson who didn’t play but would often turn up for pint.
 
 

Hands Across the Sea, composed by John Philip Sousa https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A2GllFnBAtQ